New Year

October 1, 2009 at 3:29 pm 1 comment

With everything else that was going on in my life over the last few weeks I didn’t get to post about Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the Jewish New Year. It was a really nice holiday for me this year and I enjoyed celebrating it. We fast on Yom Kippur and I actually had a relatively easy day of not eating, even though my whole family was eating around me.  During the services that I attended there was a lot of reflection on healing and praying for those who are sick. I did a lot of thinking about my boys. Can I really pray for healing for them? I know that there are those out there who do believe in the power of G-d and the power of prayer. I am unfortunately not one of them. I am a religious person and I do believe in G-d and Judaism and my Jewish values. But I personally do not believe that the more I pray for the boys to be better the more likely it will happen. If you do feel that prayer works and helps then more power to you. I wish I did. I truly do. But to be honest I just don’t.  I do pray for my boys and want them to be happy and healthy and live long lives. But I don’t think my prayer will change things. And as I sat in services during the High Holy Days I was wondering about the whole healing service. When they talk about praying for those who are sick to be healed in many cases those people can possibly be healed by medical intervention. But my boys can never be truly healed. Until they have kidney transplants they will always have cysts on their kidneys and the myriad of problems that go along with that…. high blood pressure, anemia, poor growth……etc.  Once they have the transplant they will have the myriad of problems that go along with that…. anti-rejection drugs, the fear of the kidney failing, infections….etc. Plus there is the whole liver involvement that is a whole other can of worms. So no matter what advances there are in medical science over the next 10, 20, 30 years my boys will not be “healed”.  I do hope there is a cure for ARPKD sometime down the road but even if there is it will not help Max and Gabe. And this makes me so sad. I am sad that they have to live with this disease. I am sad they have to take medicine every day. I am sad that sometimes they don’t feel good. I am sad that they have high blood pressure. I am sad they have to watch what they eat and drink extra water to stay hydrated. I am sad they might have restrictions in their lives with contact sports and other things. I am sad they will have to worry about health insurance and life insurance. I am sad that they will have to worry about meeting someone who will love them unconditionally even though they have crappy kidneys. I am sad that they will have to have a transplant someday. I am just sad… sad for them that this is their life. Don’t get me wrong… they are well adjusted happy boys right now. They have a good life. They both have friends, do well in school, play sports, and do a lot of “typical” kid things. They really do. And they probably are not as sad as I am about this whole thing. I hope I can continue to instill that happiness in them and that self confidence. I hope they are never as sad as I am about ARPKD. I hope they can just accept that this is their life and live it.   I do hope those things amongst my sadness. And as this new Jewish year starts I do wish and pray and hope for healing for them but mainly healing of the hearts and souls so that they can live a happy and long life with their crappy kidneys.

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The Walk The Connector

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Julia  |  October 2, 2009 at 7:19 am

    Yeah, the healing thing. I have always prayed for healing, but to me healing means a lot of things…healing comes in the form of medication, in the form of treatments, in the form of kidney donors.

    Reply

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