Put on a happy face

June 3, 2008 at 12:07 am Leave a comment

That seems to be my problem. I hold in all of my emotions and always have a smile on my face and sound happy all the time. But the problem is I hold it all in for so long and then lose it over something trivial. It’s hard for me though because I was raised to not air your dirty laundry in public. We always had to have a happy face on when others were around and pretend like all was good. I have to say all was good for most of my childhood but when there was a death in the family or my parent’s marital stuff I still had to pretend like all was good in public.  

I feel like it’s a catch 22 in some ways. Either I put on a happy face or I tell the truth. But, most people don’t want to hear it. So once their eyes start to glass over then the happy face comes back on.  Last week someone said “Max doesn’t look sick” and then yesterday someone said “It could be worse”. Would they rather that Max did look sick and that it was worse. Or am I only allowed to be upset by this if Max looked sick or if it was worse?

I know that it could be worse and I know that there are worse things out there. But the day to day of this disease hanging over my head really gets to me. I never get a reprieve from it.  It is always in the back of my head that they will need a kidney transplant but we just don’t know when.

Saturday we leave for NIH (National Institute of Health). This will be our second year there. We are participating in a research study on ARPKD. It gives us a bigger picture of the disease. I know it is good that we are going and we chose to go, but still I am anxious about it.

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Murphy’s Law the day our life changed

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