Me

Last Friday a friend of mine invited me over for lunch with herself and three other women. We all have children in the same school district. I am friendly with the woman whose house we went to and also one of the other women that was the there. And I know the other two. Before I had kids and was just working I often felt like I didn’t have a lot to contribute to an adult conversation since I spent my days with kids at work. Then when I had Max and then Nate I still felt that way but could often just talk about them. Plus when I was with other moms it was easy to talk about our kids. But last Friday I felt lost at the lunch table. I again felt like I didn’t have a lot to contribute to the conversation. I only wanted to talk about ARPKD and all of the medical stuff going on with Gabe.

I often feel different than other moms around here. I like to volunteer with the PTA and in the boys classrooms just like all of the other moms. But I feel I cannot relate to these moms I see on a regular basis. I cannot relate to their complaints about every day things but also cannot relate to their lives in general. Max received an amazing report card today. And yes, I am so proud of him and know he worked hard to achieve it. But I can’t let myself just be excited about that. In the back of my mind is all the worry about all of the medical stuff going on.

I admit that I have a very hard time staying in the present and often worry about the future. But right now so much is going on in the present with Gabe that I don’t even have time to necessarily worry about the future. Which brings me back to the fact that I feel like I don’t have anything to contribute to any type of conversation other than when someone asks me how Gabe is doing and really wants to hear the answer.

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